Tonight, I sat before the Lord without an agenda. I knew I needed to work on my "homework" for a group I have tomorrow night, but I had no idea what God was going to do with it. Boy did he meet me where I was at. He showed me some things that I needed to see and things that I need Him to reveal to me so I could work through them.
One of those things is my belief that I have to be perfect. I know that God wants us to strive to be perfect, but I put this expectation on myself that I cannot be. I got to a point tonight where I just felt like "What is the use? There is no way I can ever be perfect. I want to try, but I can't make sense of wanting to strive to be perfect and not feel like I have to be perfect to achieve God's love." This is a HUGE lie that the enemy ingrained to me at a young age...a very young age. Unfortunately, the lie has been cemented more and more over the years and I have realized that even just recently, there are situations I am in that are not healthy. That are allowing that lie to continue.
I don't have it figured out how to combat the lie. I know the Christian answer "just give it to God and He will take it away", but it is not as easy as that. Sure, God could take it away in an instant, but the likelihood of that is slim. I am pretty sure that He wants me to unwind all that has been webbed together to create an ugly knot.
Tonight I felt much more at peace knowing what I had to deal with. I trust God will work it out and it relieved some of my anxiety....BUT I had to go and bring it back on myself. I had to go investigate one of the situations that has caused me the most grief lately...and it only left me more anxious and unsettled. I immediately figured out what was going on and confessed to the Lord that I was wrong in going about bringing anxiety on myself, but I am still feeling a little unsettled tonight.
I turned on my music and God had these beautiful songs for me. Songs that spoke to my heart and reminded me of who He is and that He is working..and that He loves and cares for me.
Are there any anxieties you need to trust Him with today?
