The Vision: September 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

Our Shepherd

Our Shepherd

September 28.2011

Fog

Today is a day I have to choose to make it a good day. From the moment I woke up this morning, the day seemed impossible. I have been exhausted lately and I seem to have forgotten how bad the exhaustion can really get. It seems to happen when the sun stops appearing so much and the days get shorter. I am trying to be better this year and take tbe vitamins I need so that it can help give my body a boost, but that still doesn't seem to be working. I think this is all still partly due to the many years of damage I did to my body. God was so good to remind me that I just need to be patient with my body and let it heal in God's time. On top of being exhausted, I got frustrated with where my body is at and that I can't seem to lose weight. I have actually been really good about this lately being able to let it roll off of my back, but today I struggled.

As I was in my car, in a daze driving to work, I noticed the fog. The fog is beautiful in itself, but there is the appearance of the fog that feels cool and crisp. It reminds me of those cool, crisp fall days where leaves are on the ground and people are wearing their pea coats drinking hot chocolate or cider. THAT is a beautiful picture to me, however, that is not what the fog represents to me. When I see the fog, I feel that cold, crispness in a negative way. It reminds me of all of those negative things in my life. Although there were so many positives in those "fall/winter" times, my mind and my heart only go to the negative. This morning I experienced that coldness that I really don't like to go back to.

BUT...God is good. He knew before I did that today might be tough. He prepped me this morning by putting a verse in my head that He knew I would need to cling on to. It is the good old Psalm 23.

Psalm 23:1-3

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake."

The difference of today was that He is restoring my soul. In the past, a day like today would have been ruined before I even got out of the house. I would have been plagued all day long by the thoughts of my body and how frustrated I am or the bad feelings I have from the past. BUT, today I chose to not be that way. I chose to embrace the verse God gave me and to give all of my burdens to God (specifically my lack of energy and the plaguing thoughts about my body). He can have those. They do no good when I carry them and try to fix them. I love that while God carries my burdens, He allows me to rest...to rest in Him and the truth of who He is. This is the picture of rest He gave me this morning as I contemplated this verse.

Resting sheep

Today IS going to be a good day. I am going to choose to make it a good day and allow God to carry my troubles. What about you? Are you giving God your burdens today so that you can rest in Him?

Restoration

Restoration

September 26. 2011

Beautiful Garden

I love how God has been giving me the same verses this week and yet He is using them in different contexts. Last week, God really was ingraining in my head to "let go" and I have by no means mastered it, however, I am learning that "letting go" is really good. Even this weekend, I needed to "let go" of a lie I was believing and an unnecessary worry I had. I was able to give it up to the Lord and He worked in amazing ways tonight. He took "restoration" to a new level and showed me that it can be a beautiful garden. God can not only bring a "spring of water", but He can bring a beautiful garden.

Isaiah 58:11-12

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets."

The thing I love about God is that not only is He restoring us, He is restoring the earth. One day, there will be a perfect place like Eden. One day!! How exciting! He is only continuing us to bring us closer to that place and the more we allow Him to mold us and change us, the more we are going to resemble this garden. Although we won't be made complete until the day when Jesus comes back, we will be that much more beautiful. Imagine the beautiful colors of a garden in spring and summer. That is what we have potential to be as long as we allow Him to take all of the leaven out of our lives.

Letting Go II

Letting Go II

September 23.2011

Spring of Water

Still the theme in my life....letting go. This week, in particular, has been a huge week of having to let go of some things that were hard in my life. I remember hearing the saying "Let go and let God" which has been playing itself out in so many ways this week it is almost humorous.

Starting this past week, the church I attend is doing something called SEVEN. It is every Wednesday for 7 weeks that we fast and pray for the city of Portland. I know that this time God has used in the past to really focus my life on Him and to pray for things He has laid on my heart. About 6 weeks ago, He gave me the thing He wanted me to pray for during this time. This Wednesday night, God gave me a verse that I want to be true for all 3 areas:

Isaiah 58:11

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in the scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."

1. My body: I believe that God has healed me from my eating disorders, but now I am praying specifically that He heals my body of the effects of the many years of damage from the eating disorders.

2. My future husband

3. The clinic

I believe that in each of these areas, God wants to make "springs of water" and it WILL happen in due time. I not only am praying that my husbands "bones are strong" because He is dependent on the Lord, but also that His springs are overflowing. I pray that the girls in the clinic will be taken from the scorched places in their lives and made into a spring AND I pray that my body will be restored and made into a spring of water as well.

God has been so good and has been changing my mind so graciously. I am now at a place where I am learning to "let go and let God". Although it might be really tough sometimes, it is so worth it. I am trusting Him one day at a time and one burden at a time. Just this week, He showed me the effects of letting go of people I really cared about and let Him heal that wound. Even when I tried in the flesh to intervene, God showed me that His plan is always better. I need to remember that in those times when I doubt the Lord and His plans and when I am giving things over to Him. It truly is a season of "letting go" to the things that I think are the "best" for God's best.

Letting Go

Letting Go

September 11.2o11

Letting Go

Letting go...not something that comes naturally but definitely is needed. In the past few days, I have really felt the Lord tugging on my heart to "let go" of the diet mentality. I remember one of my friends saying that she just embraced food and didn't really worry about it when she gave up her eating disorder and she actually is skinnier now and doesn't really worry about what she eats. When she told me this, I had a really hard time believing that it could actually work for me and that it was the route God had intended for me. God has not necessarily taken me down the same road she has and I am still having to sacrifice the fact that I have gained 60+ pounds since I gave up my eating disorder, but one thing I know for sure, He wants me to let go of the dieting and just live life making healthy choices but not being obsessed. Quite honestly, my mind is always focused on the next "diet" or the easiest way to lose weight, but instead I need to steady my focus on Him and the rest will come together IF He wills. I would LOVE to be smaller and more fit than I am right now and I still get frustrated at where I am at and that I can't do much, but I know that He has a purpose behind it...I just don't know what it is.

So I am really going to try and let go from now on. I know it is not going to be easy, but it will be best. I was reminded of a really good verse today in church that can apply to this situation in particular:

Psalm 84:11

"...No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

God knows the desires of my heart and He is not allowing me to lose weight for a reason. Now I just need to remember to TRUST that He really does have my best interest in mind. What a loving Father we have.

Birthday

Birthday

September 5.2011

I have been meaning to write this post since September 1st, but am now just getting the chance to sit down and write it out. I have never in my life been excited for a year and this year I am excited. I am excited to be 29 and I feel as though this year is going to be a great year. From the time I woke up on my 29th birthday, I had a joy that I have never had. I can't really explain it other than one of my constant struggles is depression. I have a natural bent towards being negative and down and I have to make a choice regularly to have joy regardless of how I "feel". To have the gift of the extra bit of joy was amazing!

My birthday really was not just a day, but a week. The Sunday before my birthday we had a family birthday party for my step dad and myself, on Monday night the girls in my Bible Study surprised me with decorations and a gift, on Wednesday of that week my mom took me to lunch, my friends (Penny and Becca) got me an OSU snuggie (which I am SUPER excited about) and when I got home that night my walkway and front door was decorated with balloons and flowers from a friend.

My OSU Snuggie...what can I say? GO BEAVERS!

The walkway that was decorated. There were more decorations on the garage as well. Let's just say that anyone passing by knew there was a birthday there.

From all of my friends and family, my house is covered with balloons, flowers and decorations. It seemed never ending! :)

On my birthday, I was greeted early in the morning with a Starbucks coffee and some flowers from my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I then had a great and healthy workout and then my boss and his family surprised me with cookies, a balloon, a card and a gift card. Talk about being spoiled and it was only 8:30 am.

I then proceeded to drive to Newberg...one of my favorite places and a place I had not been in a while. I decided first to head out to the property where God has called me to pray several times. As I was driving by (I am scared to stop and pray anymore because one time a cop stopped and wanted to make sure I was ok), I felt like I needed to read the Psalm that I was on which happens to be Psalm 30. I was not just to read it, but to read it aloud. There was so much that jumped out at me from that Psalm, but I did not have a chance to really delve in deep to it until I got to Coffee Cottage.

My favorite drive to Newberg.

Such beautiful scenery

Still feeling this extra joy, I sat down at Coffee Cottage and opened the Word. The amount of love I had already received by getting there was almost overwhelming. It was as if this year I could really accept the love that people were pouring out on me. It truly was amazing. There is so much that God taught me through Psalm 30, but here are a few key things:

Psalm 30:2

"O Lord my God, I cried to you for help and you have healed me."

This was HUGE for me because as I read it, I felt like God was telling me that I needed to claim that He healed me. Even though my physical body doesn't feel healed, the joy that I had in my heart made it all worth it. He DID heal my heart and He healed all those wounds that I have had in the past. He healed my broken heart from a broken relationship and He has replaced it with more love than I could have imagined.

Psalm 30:11-12

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing, you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent, O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever."

I truly feel like these verses depict what God has done in my life in the past several years. For so long I have been "mourning" but He has given me a joy that is unexplainable. I now can be rid of the mourning I had from a previous relationship and things that have happened in my life and I can move forward in completeness of the Lord. So exciting!

Another thing I felt God challenging me to do, is every year on my birthday, I should list out the blessings from the past year and write out challenges/goals for the upcoming year. Kind of like New Year's resolutions but instead of doing them when everyone else is and it not being as genuine, taking the time to reflect on the blessings of the past and set new goals for the future.

My Bible, coffee and a delicious peach cinnamon scone.

After my amazing time in the Word, I went out to coffee with a friend/mom figure. Even though we see each other every single week, we have not sat down to spend time talking to one another in over a year. We had a great time visiting and catching up. She had to leave to "make a dinner engagement" so we left coffee early. When we got to the house, she said she had to come in and give Sara something. I said she could go ahead and go upstairs while I took my shoes off. I headed up the stairs and all I heard was "SURPRISE"! I was honestly in a lot of shock because I had absolutely no idea Sara was throwing a surprise party for me. There were tables set up with scrapbooking/card making supplies and to my delight, the party was a "card making" party. Everyone was to make cards for me to give to people. It was SO much fun and my ideal kind of party.

One of the tables that was set up for making cards. The box on the right is a gift one of my friends gave me to put the cards in.

I also opened presents. There was so much stuff I was so overwhelmed. I kept opening and opening. Most of it was more craft supplies which I was so excited about. ESPECIALLY since earlier that morning I had told myself that I would probably be doing a lot of crafting in the fall. :) Little did I know that my friends would get me started on that road. My friends and family even got me a Cricut. Something I have been wanting forever and I am so excited to use it!

This is kind of what my Cricut machine looks like! So fun!

I also go these AMAZING gifts...a frame that has a picture of my nephew and myself and some pictures of my family AND a book that my friend made for me!

Sara made a special Justin Beiber playlist just for me!

After spending some time crafting, we were headed off to another surprise! I had to be blindfolded and was told we were going to the place we were having dinner. I had no idea where we were going, but when we walked in, I knew we were at Tom and Debbie Austin's house! Amazing Thai dinner and dessert. It was so good to be able to enjoy the time with my family and close friends.

Dinner at Tom and Debbie Austin's house. Rhys even wore his "I love my Auntie" shirt and bib!

It was a jam packed full day, but it was the best day I have EVER had! I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends and family. I was especially blessed that my best friend Sara took the time to not only plan a surprise party for me (which had been for about 3 months), but to take attention to every detail knowing what I would like, who I would want there, etc. I am still honestly in shock over the fact that she did that for me, but I am so blessed. I am excited about the next year and I know that it is not the material gifts I recieved, rather the love from my family and friends and of course, my Heavenly Father. Here's to a good start to 29!

Security

Security

August 28.2011

Security Badge

All I have to say after today's message at church is: WOW, that was exactly what I needed to hear! Although the messages at church are good and always convict me, today was exceptional. It was as if the message was completely designed for me, for what I have been thinking and what I have been going through. I love when God does that. I just couldn't get enough of the message and I felt like every word that the pastor spoke, was directed at me.

My day began at my usual hangout: Starbucks. As I was reading the Word, God reminded me of the name of God card I was given for this year: Lion! I have continued to try and figure out why that has been my card for the year, but I am realizing more and more that I am really fighting a battle this year. Not that I have not fought a battle every other year, but I feel like I am at the front of the lines fighting this year and can't seem to get a break. I know it is good and I know that ultimately I need to TRUST in God to fight the battle for me and to ultimately overcome! I would have to say that my biggest issue overall is trust. I have the hardest time grasping the concept and really trusting. Not just people, but God as well. In my head, I know that I can trust Him, it is just in my heart that I really struggle. I know that this is the biggest wall I need to overcome. He is teaching me, but unfortunately I am a slow learner! :)

I had to laugh when the pastor had us turn to Psalm 37 this morning for the message. Guess what it was on: TRUST! Oh how perfect for me. I feel like the things I learned from the message today are noteworthy, so here are my notes from today:

Psalm 37:1-2

"Fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb."

DO NOT GET HEATED

-David struggled with why the righteous suffer sometimes and why the wicked prosper (just like us)

- Don't miss out on the things that really matter...not the "stuff"

- evildoer= indicating "breaking off"

- wrongdoers= refers to someone who is doing something worth punishment

-Psalm 73:16 ~Have a "God perspective"

- Who are you living for?

-Philippians 4:6~ Don't worry about anything

- A lot of times we choose to "fret" instead of "fret not"

Psalm 37:3

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness."

TRUST IN THE LORD

-Faith cures fretting

-Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

-trust= to rely upon

- He is able to take perfect care of you...the result is security!

-Jeremiah 17:5-8~we will bear fruit even in seasons of doubt

-If you place your trust in the Lord, you will be ok during the drought

- God is doing some eternal things when we are in drought and questioning

- We have to LEARN to trust Him

- What do you need to trust the Lord about today and also to surrender back to Him?

DO GOOD

-No man is ever enough...only Jesus is!

-Doing good is a great remedy for fretting.

-Get busy serving people!

-Satan will seek to get you occupied with yourself and you will become "down in the dumps"

-"The land"=the responsibilities God has given you

-Accept your responsibilities with joy!

-"feed on His faithfulness"

*God never changes. If He was faithful to you then, He will be faithful again!

- Do good and reflect on the good He has done!

-Let Him write His story through you

**Where are you at? If you keep living the way you are living, are you going to like what you see when you look back?

**The decision you make every day will determine whether you like what you see when you look back.

Talk about being convicted. Such a good reminder to me. One of the references the pastor used was from Jeremiah 17. When I turned there, I read my notes right in the section he was going to read. The section I highlighted was Jeremiah 17:7-8 which reads:

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

The note next to it reads: "CONFIDENCE AND TRUST IN THE LORD ARE HUGE!" Is God trying to teach me something and work something in me....I think so. Now begins the practical learning...not being afraid to fail and be honest about what I am learning. Just another lesson that is drawing me closer to my Lord and Savior!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Rest

Resting sheep

Psalm 23:1-3

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake."