November 21. 2011
I am a planner and I really like to be prepared for everything. My purse is similar to Mary Poppins' (I buy everything that people could possibly need...just in case), I won't go anywhere unless I know what is going to be expected and on any given day, I think about the day ahead and mentally prepare. I hate being caught off guard and not knowing what to expect. I love that God knows me so well that He gently gives me nudges and clues that something is going to happen, but usually without me really knowing.
One of my favorite things about God is that He is so faithful. Yesterday, in particular, I saw His faithfulness in a way I hadn't expected.
As I was sitting at Starbucks before church, God gave me this verse first thing.
1 Thessalonians 3:12
"And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow just as our love for you overflows."
Of course I read it and thought, "Hmmm...I wonder why you gave this to me." Honestly, I just moved on and didn't give it the time of day. I became more focused on a verse about the tongue and being convicted about my tongue. As I prayed about that, God led me to a verse about wives. I had this nudge over the weekend that I needed to start praying for my future husband. No specific reason, I just felt the urgency to pray. Sadly, I am not that girl who has prayed for my husband all their life. In fact, it has really been the last few years that I have really contemplated that. With that being said, I know the desire to pray was from the Lord.
As I prayed for him, I realized there was some hurt from a past relationship that I STILL HAD NOT DEALT WITH! I thought it was all over, but alas, nope! So, I began to journal and talk to God about how one specific thing that was said has really impacted my view on relationships and that for some reason I believe in my head that I need to be perfect in order to obtain a husband. Logically, I know that is not true, but I keep believing the lie. Yesterday, I pleaded with the Lord to take the lie away. I don't want to believe that anymore. God created me perfectly and He doesn't require us to be perfect in order to get something. If that were the case, we would all be in trouble.
Now...on to God's faithfulness. I went to church not knowing what the message was going to be on. As our pastor read the passage, all that kept coming to mind was "God, you totally prepared me for this this morning. You knew my heart needed to be open to loving my "enemy"." As I sat through the message, I KNEW what I needed to do...I needed to give my enemies to the Lord as well as any hurts that had been incurred from that person.
As tough as the times of rebuke and correction might be, they are perfect and completely worth it. Yesterday God showed me something beautiful...He showed me how to embrace the future (praying for my future husband) and let go of the past. I wish that I could say that it is always this way, but there are times in my life that I wrestle with God and it takes me a lot longer to get through something.
I listened to this song yesterday as I left church and it hit home even more that it has in the past few weeks. Everything is God's...even those that I really cannot stand or those that have hurt me. I pray that I will always remember that my enemies are His too. Furthermore, I pray that I don't have any enemies...that I would be wise and truly surrender those people to God quickly.
Oh how I love my Father who loves me so much that He prepares me for what is ahead.
