Earlier today I had a lot of fear. Fear about getting into a relationship and having the dreaded fight...or even worse, the dreaded talk about breaking up or that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. To be quite honest, I hate being alone and single, but it scares me even more to think about being rejected. Why is this so hard? Unfortunately, if I really laid out my life and my fears, I have a lot of them. And the more vulnerable I get, the more fears I tend to have. Today I read a blog of a woman I know. I am amazed at her strength and courage, but mostly her dedication to the Lord. Her blog is here. I was convicted. My fears are not even legit fears. This gal has a lot on her plate AND she is serving the Lord. Yes, she is honest, but it is beautiful. I love how she pressed into what her fears would be and didn't let it stop her from living life. I need to learn to live more like Christina.
What fears do you need to push through in order to live life?
Ezra 1:5 "Then rose up the heads of the fathers' houses of Judah and Benjamin, and the priests and the Levites, everyone whose spirit God had stirred to go up to rebuild the house of the Lord that is in Jerusalem.
God is speaking again. He is speaking in regards to the vision He put on my heart a few years back. It has been a while since He pressed upon my heart anything having to do with the vision He gave me (see here). But yesterday was different. He spoke something very simple to me, yet very profound:
God stirred in the hearts of those He wanted to help rebuild the house of the Lord.
So often, I struggle because I don't have someone to share the load of the vision with. That is so selfish and ungrateful. When God gave me the vision, He didn't say that He was going to bring me a team to share the load with. It was something special between the two of us. In my fleshly nature, I think "how am I ever going to pursue this vision if I have to do it myself?"
But I don't. This verse reminded me that when the time is right, He will raise up the right people. That takes time. And the truth of the matter is....He has risen up a few people that are part of it and have been invited into the vision. So I don't have anything to stress or worry about...God has it all under control and WHEN the time is right, He will raise them up. I just have to wait.
Is there something you want to control, but God is telling you to wait until the right time?
Surprise, surprise! God is speaking to me about forgiveness again. How quickly it sneaks up on me. If I can be honest, there are some people that it is just so hard to forgive. I can forgive them for a little while or I can forgive a certain something they have done. It seems that just when I feel good and able to love the person, that the enemy just digs at my heart again and then all of the sudden I find myself growing bitter. It is so unbelievably ugly. Deep in my heart I want to forgive them, but I am having such a hard time...especially because this person doesn't seem to care at all about the hurt they incurred.
Every time I hear these songs, they speak to me. They remind me of the hurt I am going through and that yes, it is hard, but the words are so convicting. "Help me now to do the impossible" "Well maybe there's something I missed,
But how could they treat me like this? It's wearing out my heart, The way they disregard". It has become a prayer...I really want to forgive them regardless, so I am aiming for that.
"Forgiveness"
Matthew West
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
"Losing"
Tenth Avenue North
I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong?
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love. This is hate.
We all have a choice to make
Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
But I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done. [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tenth_avenue_north/feels_like_ive_been_losin.html ]
This is love. This is hate.
We've got a choice to make
Oh, Father, won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin' (oh no)
Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up, but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and them it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Mercy and Your Grace, Father, send Your angels down (singin')
Oh, Father, won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doing (oh, no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing
Oh Father won't you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
And, of course, I am NOT anywhere near perfect. I know I need forgiving too. I don't know who I have offended that I need forgiveness from. I was reading this morning in Psalm 17 and the first few verses hit me like a bunch of bricks. I am such a sinner and I am so thankful for the forgiveness the Father gives me when I mess up...when I fail and fall.
Psalm 17:1-4
1
Hear a just cause, O LORD; attend to my cry! Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit!
2
From your presence let my vindication come! Let your eyes behold the right!
3
You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night, you have tested me, and you will find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.
4
With regard to the works of man, by the word of your lips I have avoided the ways of the violent.
So, today I am trying to forgive. I am purposing in my heart forgiveness. I know I am not perfect, but I know that God will also give me the strength to forgive as He forgives me.
Is there something you need to purpose in your heart today to do?
Is there someone that you don't think deserves your forgiveness, but you need to forgive them anyway?
I have been slacking on writing on the blog for a while. There are several reasons (which I will write about at a much later time), but what I can say is that God is doing a major work in my heart and in my life. It is good, yet painful, BUT there is so much victory in it. I heard this song about a month and a half ago when a gal I know ended up going to a rehab program. She is a beautiful gal and my heart broke for her being in the place she was at. Yet, God was faithful. Faithful to bring her to a place where she desperately needed rest and needed to "restart" her life in a way. Sometimes we just need to remember that "Jesus is the one we need." When life if tough, this is such a good reminder.
I am not a crier, but I bawled when I saw this video. Maybe it was because I wish that I had a dad that actually cared as much as these lyrics say OR maybe it was the realization that God cares so much for me...and so much about me OR that my heart broke for the gal I know and her family. Regardless, this song and video are very powerful (or at least they were to me).
Do you need to allow God to be "all you need" today?
It is pretty normal for God to remind me to rest. The other day was no exception. I love how God gives us subtle reminders that we need to take time to rest...and to give him our burdens, worries, stresses. He is so much bigger than we ever remember.
Do you need to take time to rest today?
What is one thing that you can give to God so that you can rest?
I don't know what it is about this year, but I have been flooded with hearing about numerous child deaths. This is something I have a huge fear of...either when I watch a child or that it will someday happen to me. But I can't worry or fret about the future. I can only do what I am called to do in the present and that is to "not be anxious". A month or so ago (probably a little longer), yet another child I knew of (a 4 year old little girl )went to be with Jesus. There is no explaining why this happened and the parents, grandparents and close family and friends are grieved. Only God knows. I never got to meet her, but everyone who has says she truly was an "angel". A woman I know wrote a blog regarding the death of this little girl. I can't think of many words to express this tragedy, so her words will have to suffice. And she has done this beautifully! http://jodistilp.blogspot.com/2012/09/celebrating-vienne.html?spref=fb
Please join me in praying for the family still. They are going to need prayer for several months/years as they grieve the loss of this little girl.
Here are some specifics:
-That God would give them peace that passes all understanding.
- That God would bring a family/people into their lives that have been through something like this.
