Mosquitos

Mosquito

This week was a tough one. I had had a great week the previous week and was completely at peace and then something happened. I am not sure what, but it was a downward spiral from there. By yesterday I was exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually. I knew I needed to get away. For me, that place is the beach. 

As I was driving to the beach yesterday, I was thinking about the week and wondering what happened and how it happened. The picture of a mosquito popped into my head. It was as if I got a little mosquito bite sometime in the beginning of the week and I continued to itch at it and make it worse and before I knew it, it was infected and needed some medical intervention to help heal it. It is amazing how such a small creature/insect can cause such a big "bump". Think about it, when you get a mosquito bite, it usually turns into a big, red, itchy bump. While that is quite a graphic picture, I believe it is exactly what happened last week. 

I let one comment get at me and I couldn't shake it...all week. I didn't apply the "healing balm" right away, but instead seemed to ignore it and go on with my busy week. That ended in disaster. Since that is in the past, how can I change something like what happened in the future? 

1. IMMEDIATELY, give my burdens to God and allow Him to heal the wound. Such a novel concept that if not followed, can be detrimental to my spiritual life. 

2. BOUNDARIES: I am constantly telling people to have boundaries and I didn't follow my own advice this time. Instead, this week, I was busy every single night which often ended in going to bed late, being exhausted and having a hard time waking up on time so that I could get my quality time with God in the morning. I was reflecting on my "boundaries" yesterday and realized that I need more down time and time to just reflect and process. I often hate that I am like that, but I am reminded once again, that if I don't pay attention and protect myself, I am vulnerable. So, for me, I need to make sure to guard my time with the Lord by going to bed on time and saying no to things that are good.

Thankfully, God provided a time where I could just come, sit before the Lord and listen to what He had to say (and He had to say a lot). I know this is not always possible, so I want to "take up the armor" and be better going forth. It is so worth it. 

I heard this song as I was typing this entry and it made my heart dance with joy. This is so true. I feel like my feet are set on solid ground again. 

Do you have any "mosquitos" you need to allow the Lord to use His healing balm on?

Worth fighting for

As I sat down to start writing some blogs, the song below came on. This song has spoken to my heart so many times and today was no exception.

I smile because God is so good. It is Memorial Day...a day when we remember those who not only have died in war, but also who have fought for us, for our country. My grandpa's have both fought at one time and I have friends who have served over in Iraq just recently. I am so thankful for their passion and desire to fight for us...to keep us safe.

I am also reminded of the sermon yesterday. It was on Philippians 1:18-26.  Paul was in prison and writing to the Philippians. He wanted to be with Christ, but he knew the importance of staying and pushing through the hard stuff for the people.  These are the things that stuck out to me from the message: 

Fruitful labor

    -to live for the king is labor

    -to remain is hard work (i.e. in a difficult marriage, being parent, dealing with the tough things in life...)

    -godliness is not natural and not easy (i.e. just like a healthy body is not natural and you have to work for it by eating healthy and exercising)

    -it is "fruitful" and just like a natural fruit tree, the fruit takes time to be produced

Although fighting is hard work, it is absolutely worth it if you have God on your side. God WANTS to fight and be victorious. He is ALWAYS victorious if you let Him be. I have many things to be fighting for right now, but I know that I could not do it if it were not for the confidence I have in Christ...that He is right here with me and helping me every step of the way. 

Even yesterday, I had set out to go to the beach and spend some much needed time with God. There was a war in my soul and everything that could stop me from going fell into my path. I am usually pretty determined to get to the beach no matter what, but yesterday I was weak. I was overcome with anxiety about going to the beach (which is VERY unusual for me) and going by myself. I didn't feel well and the list goes on. I actually had the thought "maybe I just shouldn't go today", BUT I knew there was a war going on in my soul. By God's grace, two of my friends ended up texting me and I asked them to pray, but I also knew that I had to push through even though it was really hard. 

It was worth it. God met me and spoke to me in a way that I had never even imagined and to think that I almost gave in to defeat shows me that there was a war going on but God came out victorious because I let Him. 

What do you need to ask God to help you fight for today? 

 OR

 Who do you need to ask God to help you fight for today? 

Please pray for Sawyer Jude's family...

Baby feet (This is not baby Sawyer)

 This morning I am grieving for a family I knew from high school. Their son died in her womb just days before he was to be born. His heart stopped beating. She delivered him (Sawyer Jude) early yesterday morning and is loving him as much as she can before she has to give him up. He was a miracle baby because him being conceived was completely unexpected.

Yesterday, when I found out the news that he died, my heart sank. I can't even imagine having to go through something so painful. I have never been a mom so I know there is much more impact than just what I have felt and deeper, but I know that God has still given me a heart to grieve for them. In His amazing ways, He allowed me to see a little deeper into what the pain could be like through a show I watched last night before bed where the woman had to give up her child who was born without a brain. Although it was a drama, I got to see what Hollywood exemplified the pain as and it was hard to watch. Now this morning, I have a visual to the heartache that the family I know is experiencing. 

I am not close with this family, but she is a Facebook friend. This is one of the reasons I love Facebook....she is asking for prayer for their family and there are many out there that hardly know them that are taking their family to the Lord. My heart breaks for them and the only thing I can do is bring them to the Lord in prayer and send them notes of encouragement. 

As I was praying for them this morning, God reminded me of these 2 songs for them. Not only was this meant for them this morning, it was a good reminder for me and I pray for others as they are grieving or going through a tough time.

HELD by Natalie Grant- God is holding you, your husband and the kids as well as Sawyer right now. You can be weak right now because He wants to be your strength, your stronghold and your rock.

DEARLY LOVED by Jimmy Needham- YOU are dearly loved by the Father. It is unfathomable what is happening, but our Heavenly Father knows and I believe that above all, He wants you to know how much HE loves YOU. He knows your hurts and your deep pain in the loss of Sawyer and He is right there to comfort you. Just as you said earlier, continue running to Him.

I came across this song that gives me hope in my heart during this tough time for my friends and while I am going through a trial of my own.  I have no idea why God took little Sawyer Jude just days before he was to be born, BUT I believe that God is a good God. I KNOW that He is going to use this for His glory. I am not sure what it will look like, but I know He has a plan. One thought in particular came to mind (maybe there is another child who desperately needs a family right now), but I know it will be revealed in time. 

In the last week, God has really shown me how to "mourn for those who mourn" with people who I barely know. I would imagine that this is a little taste of how God feels when we are hurting. There are really no words to say to take the pain away from this family, but I can take them to something even better...God...who WILL comfort them and has the power to take away their pain. 

Please pray for this family today as they are hurting beyond what words can describe. 

Who do you need to take to the Lord today? 

When God smacks you in the face (in a good way)

A Father's Correction

This morning was one of those days where God completely smacked me in the face (in a good way). I had stayed awake last night quite late (to the wee hours of the morning). I am in a place where God is changing me and my environment so I was planning what my new room was going to look like and was quite excited. Staying up late to plan a future room was probably not the wisest decision, but kind of fun nonetheless. 

I sat down to read a devotional called "Jesus Calling" this morning and was really convicted. Here is what it said: 

"Come to ME with your plans help in abeyence. Worship ME in Spirit and in truth allowing MY glory to permeate your entire being. Trust ME enough to let ME guide you through this day, accomplishing MY purposes in MY timing. Subordinate your myriad plans to MY Master Plan. I am sovereign over every aspect of your life."

"Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you will miss what I have prepared for you. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways higher than your ways and MY thoughts than your thoughts." 

John 4:24

"God is spirit and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." 

Isaiah 55:8-9 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." 

This was such a great reminder for me. Even though I am "planning" for what is coming up, I still need to hold on to that loosely because MY plans could change at any moment because of God's plans. Furthermore, I didn't even include Him in my plans. Yes, it was just simple and planning a room, but He wants to be part of every detail. So, today I hold onto those plans loosely, but with anticipation of what is to come. 

What plans do you need to loosen your grip of and what plans do you need to include God in?  

Forgiveness...again

Forgiveness....again

Luke 17:3-4

"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him and if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times, saying "I repent", you must forgive him."

I love this section of scripture and hate it all at the same time. I know it sounds horrible to say I "hate" a section of scripture, but it is just because it is hard and convicting. 

I tend to have a hard time fully forgiving and moving past something. I tend to remember everything which is good on one hand, but a detriment on the other. I remember the bad. I remember how someone has hurt me and I hold on to it. 

I want to be forgiven, yet I have a hard time wanting to forgive others especially when it is the same hurt over and over. 

These verses really convicted me though. It says, "you MUST forgive him." There is no, "you can or you should" but a command. Agghhh...I need to take that one seriously. Even when it is hard to forgive someone, I MUST do it and I know in doing it, how much power there is. 

Since I tend to be a perfectionist, I have a hard time when it comes to forgiving the same person again and again. BUT God has been gracious for me and helped me to work through the fact that I might have to forgive someone several times. I tend to think, "I forgave _________ for ________ so I should not have to forgive __________ for that anymore." I tend to beat myself up when it comes up again which is not the right way to look at it. Instead, the way that God is showing me to look at it is that each time I forgive, I gain a little more freedom. 

Who do you need to forgive TODAY or in this moment? 

Will you allow God to help you forgive them even if it is something they have done multiple times? 

Becoming Me

Jumping for Joy

We all go through stages of becoming who God intended us to be. I am in a stage I honestly doubted I would get to, but alas here it is.


I have a new sense of freedom that I have not ever had...I can be ME. Whatever that looks like, I truly feel like I can be who God created be to be with nothing holding me back. There are several reasons I think this is, but most importantly, I KNOW this is because God is changing me from the inside out. He is shaping me to be the woman He created me to be. 


It is the most incredible feeling. I feel free. There is a song that came on the radio as I was going through a big trial. It has meaning then, but now it has even more meaning. Back then, it was a "I need to claim what the lyrics say is true", but today it is "I CAN claim AND I do believe that these lyrics are true. I FEEL it." 

When has God allowed you to truly be free from something? 

What is God calling you to be free from today? 

Who is God calling you to be?

Peace

I HATE change. It is the hardest thing for me to deal with for some reason. I am a type A personality that wants to run anytime change comes my way. That running usually prolongs the pain and makes it harder than if I were to just embrace it. 

For the first time, I feel like God is helping me to push through the pain of change and a big trial. I would say that the trial I am going through right now is one of the 3 top life-changing, earth shattering trials in my life. I KNOW God is going to do something amazing out of it and my desire is for Him to have glory, but it is hard. 

To be honest, those people who go through big trials and can say "God has given me so much peace about____________" AND truly believe it, annoy me. I have never "felt" at peace when I have gone through change and pain, and I can't ever comprehend how someone can have so much peace. 

BUT GOD. 

For the first time in my life, I can truly say that I have peace in the midst of this trial. I AM that person that has annoyed me. It is almost an out of body experience where you see yourself and KNOW the reality of how unsettled you should be, but you aren't. 

I have been so encouraged lately by what God has given me in His word. Today was no different. He gave me this verse: 

Philippians 4:19

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

I can honestly say that I have done NOTHING to deserve the peace that God has given me. I wish I had some "magic formula" so that I could help others experience the peace I have right now, but I don't. All I know is that through this God is showing me His power and overwhelming presence in a way that I could never have imagined. 

What is God asking you to surrender to Him so that He can give you peace? 

When the day seems doomed

Doomed

Yesterday morning I woke up and I had one of "those" mornings. The picture above describes what my day was like before I even got out of bed. I had a bad dream about a situation I am going through right now and it put me in a funk first thing. I needed to shake it. So, God in His faithfulness, gave me a verse that I just kept repeating in my head: 

James 4:7-8

"Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

As I sat down for my quiet time with the Lord, I decided to read this verse (and the next verse) and claim them. A song that had played the day before during my quiet time on the radio had played again. Just what I needed to claim. 

By the time I left for work, God had answered my prayers and the devil had fled. It was such a beautiful thing because although the devil had a "place" where he could have wedged himself in, God was bigger, stronger and more powerful than him. 

Where do you need to "resist the devil" today? 

Treasure of the day

Treasure

Every day we are given treasures from the Lord, but I was giddy about this one today. 

The back story...

 

Back in December, I had a few days away with the Lord and felt that God was leading me to write down a list (with the help of my favorite movie) of what I wanted in a husband. I know it sounds crazy to base a list off of a movie, but I knew there was something special about this movie and a reason that it kept drawing my attention. The list I came up with was a list that I felt was entirely from God but holding it with an open hand and trusting that God knows who I need. Along with the list, I also decided to write down the things I wanted to be as a wife. Both the husband and wife lists lined up with scripture so I knew I was on the right track.

Since then, I have referred to the lists several times encouraging a few girls to sit down and pray about what God would have for them in a future husband AND as a future wife. I finally decided I needed to copy it and put it in my Bible so I didn't have to carry my old journal around everywhere. 

I copied the pages and today I got around to cutting them out. As I looked at the pages, I noticed that there were a few verses at the bottom of the page that I had not noticed before (it was part of the journal). They were: 

2 Corinthians 5:11

"God knows our hearts" 

Ephesians 1:8

"He understands us and knows what is best for us."

I sat in amazement as I read them today. How great God is...especially regarding my future husband and me as a future wife. He does "know my heart" and "He understands me and knows what is best for me." This is just another way that He has shown me that He is the "God who sees me" (Here is the link to the entry that I wrote about this). 

I set out for today not knowing what would come but I got more than I ever asked for. Although my life is somewhat confusing right now, I have a heavenly Father and friend who knows me and cares for me better than anyone else could. I am so thankful for this little treasure (which was a "BIG" treasure to me) today.

Hope

Hope

Lately, I have had a lot of reasons to lose hope and quite frankly, I have given in to my "Negative Nancy" mentality a few times. I know this about myself and I have tried hard not to allow myself to go there, my sometimes my mind doesn't always follow my heart. In the depths of my heart, through hurt and confusion, I have let myself go to the "worst case scenario". The good that has come out of it has been that God and I have had a lot of talks and quality time.

It has been an ending of an era and I have had a hard time truly believing that it is over. Usually when a door closes, God has another door that is open which is so much hope and encouragement. I am not sure when that door will open or how far away it is, but I continue to be reminded by the verse in Isaiah 30:21 that says

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." That is where I am at right now. One step at a time and lately it has been one moment at a time. 

I felt so pursued by the Lord today, though, because He knows me in my weaknesses and my failures. He knows my "Negative Nancy" attitude and how I am so afraid of the "worst" happening, yet He still loves me. I hate to admit it, but I had lost hope, but in His gentle way, God called me back to Him to believe that He was bigger than my mind and heart by giving me this verse. 

 Psalm 14:7 

"Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion!
When the Lord restores the fortunes of his people, let Jacob rejoice, let Israel be glad."

I had hope this morning. I was reminded that He is my "King Forever, Friend and Savior" yesterday and I have held onto that today. When all else fails, He IS here for me and He is my true friend. I am so thankful for how much He loves me and how much He cares about every detail of my life.

Tornado

Tornado

My life has felt a lot like a tornado lately. One thing after another has been happening and I haven't been able to keep anything straight. I think it is a good lesson that we can't hold on to anything in this world other than our relationship with Jesus.

Right now I feel like a leaf that is being carried by the wind. I have no idea where I am going or where I am going to end up. It is weird because one moment, I think I have a glimpse of what God is doing and where He wants me and then next, I am on a completely different page. I have had to learn to submit any dreams to God and allow Him to carry me. It is hard. Probably one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I feel like my entire life is having to be surrendered before God right now.

This is a good thing though. Usually after a tornado, we get a chance to clean things up...even though some things have been destroyed. I have a friend who lives in "tornado country" and a few weeks ago, the tornado got really close to her house. Thankfully, it didn't hit them.

In this season of my life, the tornado has hit. I have a choice though...am I going to be sad/mad/angry that the tornado hit OR am I going to choose to rise above and ask God to help me clean up the debris? I love the picture above because it gives such hope. No matter what kind of storm we go through and how much debris there is, there is still hope and promise in God, our savior.