I woke up this morning to howling winds outside my window. This was a perfect example of where my heart is today. I am in the middle of a storm (well it feels more like a hurricane). My faith is being tested, I would argue, more than it has ever been. It has been slow steps to get here, but it has been being tested for a while, but yesterday was when the giant storm decided to show its ugly head.
With the storm usually comes change. Branches break, debris flies all over the place and things are different after the storm. So it will be in my life as well. My life is about to change in a drastic way and although the other party involved has the assurance of the Lord, I have yet to have that from Him. I find it is always so hard to be in a place where I am following the Lord's calling in someone else's life (because it directly affects me) and yet don't have any assurance from Him yet. It makes the following that much harder. In a sense, it requires trusting that what that person heard from the Lord is actually what He meant.
Everything in me wants to run away and hide (like this picture). But, I know God is calling me to stay and weather the storm (oh, the hardest thing to do).
Right now, I have tons of questions and doubts going through my head. I am sure some are lies of the enemy and then there are others that are valid. It always seems like in the midst of a storm, it is hard to find stable ground. It is hard to not want to hold onto the tangible in a storm and it is so easy to forget that God WILL be our grounding.
I would be lying if I said that I was completely at peace and handling the situation well. Unfortunately, I am not. I am trying, but I seem to still be in the threads of anxiety. Yesterday, when I was seeking the Lord and begging for some sort of comfort and wisdom, He gave me this verse:
Psalm 80:7
"Restore us, O God of hosts;
let your face shine, that we may be saved!"
let your face shine, that we may be saved!"
The only thing I am clinging to through this storm is that God wants to restore me. I am not sure how or to what, but that He wants to restore me. Today, I am going to take it moment by moment. I am taking what He gave me yesterday and clinging to it. This picture is a great depiction of how I feel.
As I was looking for images, God brought this song to mind and it was a good reminder for me today.
